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How to Introduce Sex Toys in the Bedroom

By on September 22, 2014

By James Broome

For men and women who have never used them before (at least in anything other than solo play), sex toys can be intimidating and overwhelming.  Indeed, we all have a certain bit of pride in the bedroom, and the idea of introducing toys threatens that pride in all kinds of ways:  Do we need toys to stimulate each other?  Will we be skilled at using them?  Will they make our partners crave things we can’t always deliver?

These are all pretty ordinary questions that occur to many of us when exploring the idea of using toys with our partners.  I’m here to tell you not to worry about them.  Sure, they can be a little weird and awkward at first… but using these tips, you can make a positive impact when you introduce them to your sex life.

Woman Having An Orgasm

First of all, I’m going to borrow a popular tip articulated pretty thoroughly by She Knows: communicate with your partner before you introduce sex toys. Think about it—if you simply bust out a pair of handcuffs, a vibrator, an anal plug, or any other toy of your choosing, without having broached the subject first, you’re basically asking for awkwardness.  Even if she’s totally into it, the surprise of the suggestion is probably going to make it weird.  Beyond that, even if spontaneity might score you a few points, the specific toys might not be the ones you’ll both enjoy most! Communicating first makes things less awkward and less intimidating, and it also allows you both a say in which toys you start out with.

Talk to your Partner

Speaking of those toys, another important tip is to start small and work your way up to the more adventurous stuff.  Of course, there are exceptions, and some people have no issue starting with the big, bold, crazy toys.  But for most couples, there’s even a certain pleasure in taking the time to explore likes and dislikes and upgrade toys and practices gradually!  This is why a lot of sex toys even come in sets.  The customer reviews and feedback on Adam & Eve reflect that a lot of couples enjoy the option of using different toys, different sizes, etc. One woman reviewing a set of three differently sized jelly anal plugs notes that of the three sizes the small is good for beginners, the medium perfect for her, and the biggest intimidating but fun on occasion. This sort of variety and gradual progression gives you and your partner options and the ability to figure out what you truly enjoy.

Gradual Progression to Different Toys and Sizes

Finally, I’d also suggest something that a lot of others might call counter-intuitive:  play with the toys on your own.  The fact is, it’s just easier to figure out what you like sometimes by yourself and you can communicate it to your partner later on.  Most of us already know this with regard to our bodies specifically, but it also holds true for sex toys.  Whatever toys you and your partner decide to use, find some time to mess around with them on your own—no audience, no help, no shame.  You’ll likely wind up getting more out of them. But in the process, try to skip the masturbation tips, at least at first… make it all about your own likes and preferences.

Having Fun in the Bedroom

So there you have it. As for which specific toys to buy, that’s all on you. The best approach might be to consult with your partner and build yourselves a little variety pack. But whatever you end up with, the approaches outlined above should help you to have some fun.



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